Renewing yourself after a toxic relationship

It requires a lot of courage to come out of a toxic relationship. You feel devastated, unloved, and hopeless.  You are left with broken trust, broken dreams, and a broken heart. The pain can become so overwhelming that healing seems impossible. According to Joyce Marter, CEO of Urban Balance, “a broken heart mirrors a depressive episode.

But you must put yourself together because no relationship is more important than the one you have with yourself. You are valuable and your life is incredibly precious.  This article includes a few tips and pieces of advice to help you to move on in your life with strength and dignity.

“What’s coming is better than what’s gone.” – unknown

1. Do not jump to the next relationship immediately.

The fear of being alone and the need for attention can often push people into rebound relationships. These relationships have very little genuine emotional involvement and breed a high level of dependency. Additionally, you often end up repeating the mistakes of your past when it comes to selecting a partner. These relationships cannot keep you happy for a long time. 

Instead, focus on developing your relationship with yourself. Evaluate your values, preferences, priorities, and strengths. This self-reflection will boost your self-confidence.  The more you know about yourself, the easier it will be to know the kind of partner you want in the future.

“Everyone deserves second chances, But not for the same mistake.”  – unknown

2. Allow yourself to grieve.

Emotions of sorrow, despair, anger, and pain are all valid. Acknowledge and accept these emotions. Try to disconnect from social media for some time; reminders of your ex will only make it more difficult for you to heal.

Remember that no one can heal you except yourself. Share your feelings with your family and friends– lean on your support system whenever possible. Take practical steps to overcome your emotions  – see the checklist at the end for some ideas!

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means it no longer controls us.” – unknown

3. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and take care of yourself.  

The trauma of a toxic relationship can severely affect your health. Feelings of low self-worth, anxiety, hopelessness, insecurity, fear, and depression are often a result of such relationships.  The stress of these relationships can cause sudden weight gain or weight loss, eating disorders, increased blood pressure, chronic anxiety, hormonal imbalances, gastrointestinal issues, muscle tension, or insomnia.

So, now it’s time to take care of your health and prioritize your well-being. Adopt a healthy lifestyle, exercise, and have a healthy diet. If required, seek professional help to improve your mental health.

“You’ve survived the worst. You’ll survive the recovery.” – unknown

4. Be self-compassionate

Allow yourself to revive and recuperate.  Do not blame yourself or anyone for happened. Stop living in the past and try to move on. Be kind to yourself. Stop listening to your inner critic because that will diminish your self-esteem and happiness.

According to one survey article, “When asked about who or what gave victims, the strength to leave their harmful relationship, survey respondents offered a variety of factors that helped them finally leave their abuser for good. In addition, to support from family and friends, which played an integral part, victims were also motivated by their own growth, development, and self-love.

Instead, engage yourself in positive self-talk. Repeat self-affirmations in your mind “I am not a loser, I have lots of strengths, I deserve infinite love and compassion, I know my worth, I am healing, my life is a gift and I will enjoy every moment to the fullest.” These affirmations will help enhance your emotional resilience.

Do not carry the baggage of your past with you for the rest of your life. Let it go…

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” – Buddha

5. Do what makes you happy

Meet new people, pick up new hobbies, spend time appreciating nature, listen to music, hang out with friends – immerse yourself in the activities that give you happiness.  

Always remember that to be genuinely happy, you need to be comfortable with yourself.  So, take this as a new opportunity to start an afresh journey with yourself. Pamper yourself. Fall back in love with yourself. Make the most of the time you spend in solitude. This will help to increase your self-confidence and will make you emotionally independent. 

Live one day at a time & take one step at a time…

“When you take your blindfold off, you’ll see the light.” – unknown


Do not allow your past to influence your present and future. Take control of your life. The major reason most people get trapped in a toxic relationship is that they have not developed their sense of self-worth. So, love yourself no matter what other people say or do. Your happiness, mental health, and self-confidence is and will always be more valuable than anything else. This self-love and self-acceptance will not only boost your inner strength but will also make you more peaceful and content at your very core.

If you want to know what are the signs of a toxic relationship, check out this article.

Always remember that every dark cloud has a silver lining. Every end has a new beginning. This is the beginning of a new era. Remind yourself that you deserve a partner who genuinely loves, cares, and respects you. And I promise you will find that person –  do not lose hope. Have faith that you will get all the happiness you deserve.

For your quick-reference, I have created a checklist based on different stages of your mental resilience journey.  This list will help you to recover from your toxic past and emerge as a stronger and more confident person. It has helped many people in the past, and I hope that it will help you too.

“One day you will tell your story of
how you’ve overcome what
you are going through now,
and it will become part of
someone else’s survival guide.” – unknown

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